I feel like carrie from sex in the city!

After class on Tuesday I realized how much power really does effect relationships between people. Putting more thought into it I realized how much of a pushover I am. A couple months ago I called my 16-year-old brother out of his classes one day, for what? To be the cool older sister? He called me knowing that I would. But then I ask the question how does the way we grow up effect how much power we have in a relationship? And I guess I would say yes, but not maybe exactly the way you grew up but maybe what role and what function you might have played in the family. Then I suppose this all goes back to what function play in your family growing up plays a huge part in you love life. It's all one big cirlce!

Expert Influence

The discussion we had on Tuesday regarding power and influence kept reminding me of my parents and their decision making.  When I was younger I always thought that my Dad was the one making the decisions.  Now that I am older I know that their decision making process is not that simple.  After the lecture on Tuesday I realized that my parents' decisions are usually based on Information Influence and Expert Influence.  When making decisions my parents talk a lot about that decision and whoever has the most information or expertise on that particular subject has the most influence on that decision.  I think this is a great way for each person in a relationship to have an  influence on what ever the topic is.  If people would do it this way I think the most logical decision and correct decision will be the end result.

Partners with power

Tuesday's discussion of how couples interact when making decisions made me think about when my boyfriend and I went shopping the previous weekend. We have recently decided to move in together. We went furniture shopping to look for things that we will need. I would say that in most situations I let him choose options that he likes. However when we were looking for furniture, he knows that I know more about what makes furniture "good" because my mom has expensive furniture and has showed me what to look for when purchasing new items. While I let my boyfriend have a say in what pieces he like, ultimately, I had the final say in what pieces we bought. When we were deciding where to live, he also let me make the final decision, we agreed upon two places but he "let" me choose. He said he could be happy at both places so he told me to pick the place I would would be happy with the most.

sschm Blog 8

I think the topic of power is very interesting. When in a relationship it seems to be a constant struggle until you both reach a level your comfortable with. The principle of least interest is something that I particularly found in my own life. I've never realized that this constant power struggle is related to the level of interest. It makes sense to me now looking back on past relationships that I've had where the power was a constant struggle to realize that the person with the least interest did hold more power. It seems that this power struggle can turn into a game leaving someone feeling on top and someone feeling empty. With a current new relationships it seems that this principle is very relevant. With it being new it seems to be this constant game of getting comfortable with each other and not wanting to disclose too much feelings and information. It will be very important for my future relationships to have this understanding and knowledge and will make them stronger and healthier.

druz blog 8

I chose to blog about the discussion of power in the relationship. I found out from this lecture that I usually have most power in all of my relationships. As I looked back I was ashamed because I took advantage in some situations where I was less invested in the relationship so I had more power, and I used that power to get what I wanted. I'm just relieved that my relationship now there is shared power. I win some arguments and lose some. I don't exactly know how I could use this in the profession I'm going into, which is teaching. However, if the discussion ever came up in my class I would be able to give the information I learn in class and apply it to my students and their problems. I don't know how much help I could be but some information is better than none when dealing with different types of relationships.

tspies-Decisions in Marriage

As I listened to the discussion on Tuesday all I could think of was the movie I saw on Spring Break. "I Love You, Man." (I won't spoil the movie). One of the couples in the movie had established a terrible relationship based on the principle of least interest and and the coercive influence. The wife REALLY wanted/needed her husband to invite a friend's fiance over to play poker. The husband didn't want the fiance came over but his wife bribed him with sex, and he decided what outfit she had to dress in. Everyone in the theather laughed at such control, but the wierd thing is that this seems to happen in too many relationships. I am not sure how the wife in the movie was ever happy with this relationship?! I have never really been in a long-term relationship but still seem to know what I want (and it doesn't include this) Can relationships last on the basis on unequal decision making and power?! It seems to me as if the relationship would never be 50/50 in happiness but more like 90/10.

ktho blog

I thoroughly enjoyed our lecture on Tuesday; power is huge in a relationship. I liked to learn about the different bases of influence, but my problem is I always deal with the legitimate influence in my relationship, which we said was somewhat unhealthy. I can see that it’s bad for my boyfriend and me, but I almost don’t know how to fix it. I also have the bad habit of thinking, “what can I get out of this”? The Principal of Least Interest, I have all the power, and while I would like to work on this, I won’t lie, I like having the power. I know it is unhealthy and might eventually ruin our relationship, but that is how things were when I was growing up. Mom had all the power and my parents are really happy still, I just worry about my relationship. I think this sounds a little crazy but what do people think about couples our age going to therapy???

Making decisions

With decision making in marriages, I believe you need to know where you stand and also where your partner stands. Making these decisions can be very hard if both you and your partner have different views. But that is where the give and the take come into having a marriage. It also goes along with what we talked about before, married couples that either don't communicate at all and have no union, those who are too into each other, and then the ones that have thier unity and individualism. Of course the ones with their own individuality are going to make the decisions that turn out best in the end. Those that don't communicate will have no idea what the other one would like, those that are too into each other might do what the other one wants but deep down really not what they want. So with their own individual thoughts the couples can communicate and make the decisions that are best for the family. It all wraps around a little communication.

Blog #8 Kste

I think it is really important to know how to make decisions in your marriage. I think that it is really wise to know where your position is in marriage. Whether it is a husband dominant, wife dominant, syncratic, or autonomic. That way you know where you stand in your relationship with your significant other. I personally think that if you're comfortable with your position in your marriage then you'll be successful. i also think that knowing how to intervene is really important. Whenever I see my parents have a altercation or disagreement they calmly work out their problems. By first calming themselves down and they discuss with eachother how to resolve the problem. Compromise and understanding of eachothers points of views is important in marriage I think. If you can't agree on things calmly or resolve the issues then those problems will always be with you. Nobody ever wins the fights. If you resolve the conflicts together and take in others views you can really have a great understanding of eachother and if you have an understanding of eachother your communication will be successful too.

JSol Blog 7

Chapter 10-

Chapter 10 talks about how children are increasingly their influence over their parents.  I see some real legitimacy in this claim.  It is funny, watching advertisements, how companies make their product more appealing to a younger audience because companies know now that kids can sway and lobby their parents to make a certain decision.  There is a new emphasis on collective decision making and children are capitalizing.  I know, personally, growing up I could tell my parents were able to be swayed on their decisions by my input.  It was a much more democratic process than in the past.  For example, it was Black Friday and my dad was contemplating getting a new plasma tv.  I single-handedly lobbied him to buy the tv and to stand in line with me to get it.  Just proves the point, I suppose.  

Chapter 10

After reading chpt 10 with the section about children and having sources of power, I thought immediately about my 16 year old brother. He exerts considerable influence over my parents. This past weekend I was home with my family. My brother was supposed to be grounded from the previous weekend because he never came home and stoped answering his phone when my mom called. My parents are not together so my brother always uses the act that he is with my dad or helping him with something on the farm. With my brothers lies he is excerting power over my mom. This weekend, when he was supposed to be grounded he did the same thing of not coming home. My mom doesnt know how to handle him and make him listen. She is coming to my sister and I to help her call him or figure out with he is doing. Which isnt fair for us to rat on our brother. Child power can cause great distress in a family :S

jspl Class Tuesday

In class on Tuesday we discussed how men and women communicate differently. I noticed this to be true when I talk to my mom. A lot of times I will tell her about something that is bothering me and she always trys to get me advice. Sometimes I just want her to listen and tell me anything that I should try to make the situation better. Despite my mom and I being close I learned that telling her things always comes with advice. So I have actually started telling one of my guy friends all my problems. He just listens when I need to him. I feel like womens natural instincts could actually make my mom and I's relationship not as strong. On the flip side, I know whenever I need multiple perspectives on things my mom will always offer those to me.

sschm Blog 7

I found the different forms that men and women communicate to be very interesting. Although it does fall into stereotypical communication methods of men and women, I've recently realized some men just aren't capable of communicating on a affiliative and relationship level. I've felt like I want this guy to be able to communicate with me and listen to me and to feel a connection and I think he's honestly not capable of it. This is why you should never ditch your friends for men because some just may never understand and listen to you. The knowledge of knowing the difference in how we communicate has really helped me understand that he has the typical gendered communication skills and no one has taught him how to be more affiliative and relationship oriented, but I'm not sure that I'm up for the job. How much can you really make someone listen and understand you. If you can't communicate what really is there?

Ch 10

I did not enjoy reading chapter 10, it actually confused me a little. It said that couples who shared equal power were not as happy as couples who had one person with more power than the other. However, when I read the different types of powers and examples they all seemed manipulative and they were all described in a bad way. Is there a good way to hold power? What research shows us that these couples are happier? I can see that they would be happier because it is the norm and thats just the way it goes in their society. I guess I don't like the idea of somebody else having that kind of power over me.

druz blog 7

I choose to blog over the part in Chapter 10 about the psychological need for power. I have always come across people who have to win in everything they do, even an argument. My sister comes to mind because I believe that she doesn't feel as good about herself if she doesn't win an argument. The feminist theory, the patriarchal hierarchy in families allows the use of male-female violence as a way of maintaining male power within the marriage. Rates of spousal abuse are lower in societies in which women have economic power within the marriage. If my sister knew this then it would be the next argument she would have with her boyfriend. I have always look to my sister as being tough, but this makes me look at her and want her to show some resilience in the armor she is wearing to protect herself. Although I have done this as well, it would be nice to teach my students that it is okay to let your partner win once in a while.

Lets Talk

Last class period was very interesting when talking about the communication of men and women. It was nice to hear what the difference are. Like how men are competitive, action and solution oriented. And how women are affiliative, connection and relationship oriented. When I relate this back to my own family I kind of chuckle to myself because these words relate to my mom and dad to a "T". My dad is always calm and trying to help me find the best way to go about things. When I need a straight answer I always go to him. My mom is the one who comes up to me and ask me how I'm doing. She's the one I go to, to weigh out my options. I could never see my parents switching roles, and I think that was a good point that was brought up in class, how it is good that women and men have these roles. But I also think that men shouldn't totally disregard not trying to be relationship oriented, and I don't think that women show not try to take action on a thought process. I think that a happy medium is best for all parties. 

ktho blog 7 on communication

I enjoyed our debates on communication, and one thing I feel very strongly about is keeping the different ways females and males communicate. I do think that males should be able to discuss a topic that is bothering someone instead of just blowing it off. But.... I do know that I like being able to go to my girlfriends when I need to "vent", and going to hang with my guy friends when I just want to listen to somewhat stupid topics (like arguing about football, or who has the smelliest shoes). I don’t think there is anything wrong with our communication styles. I personally would not want all men walking around talking about how this person hurt their feelings, or what that person is wearing. Now I am not saying that we women are shallow and this is all we do, and I am not saying that there is anything wrong when some styles of communication get crossed. But I do think that discussing the different ways people communicate helps us to understand each other better.

Blog #7 Kste

Communication is very important in any kind of relationship with anyone, such as a family, friendship, or a significant other. Consistent communication is very important. In class on Tuesday he said the communication is KEY. If you don't have communication then you have nothing to build off of. Non-verbal or verbal it doesn't matter both are important. Non-verbal can show the actions you feel toward someone, such as if you were to wave at someone you are giving a general hello. Non-verbal communication is used in many ways. You can see someone and scowl because you dislike them for some reason and that person will know immediately that they aren't a favorite of yours. Eye contact plays an important role also. If I am talking to someone I like them to be looking at me so I know they are paying attention to what I have to say. But sometimes I catch myself looking away from others that are talking to me. Some people though are very uncomfortable with staring at someone when they are talking because they feel it might make them self-concious or uncomfortable. Everyone communicaties differently whether its with gender, culture or other kinds of differences.

ktho blog 6

I thought the section over dating was really interesting, and I agree with most of the theories. I want to eventually marry somebody with the same level of education and somebody who wants to have kids. I also think that those tests are a good indicator of how people communicate in their relationships.

sschm Blog 6

I found the mate selection lecture very interesting. I think the whole playing the game is something I've never actually thought about, but partake in quite often. Right now I've just met someone and were playing all these sort of mysterious, hard to get mind games. Personally, I am now able to step back from the games and analyze exactly what I'm trying to get from the "game" and just be more honest about what I really want. This is the first time I've been aware of the games and decided not to play. This is going to help me with all my future relationships and I'm glad I've realized it now.

playing games

during the lecture when we were discussing mate selection i was surpised when we began talking about game playing. i never really thought about games and finding someone all that conected and relivant to one another. The more we discussed game playing the more i realized how the bad games can really damage relationships. in my past relationships i was a big "i know know/care" game player. i didn't even think about it at the time as a game but looking back i now see how damaging it really was on my relationships. i am very glad the game playing topic was dicussed in class and i know it will really make me look at relationships differently, both mine and others around me.

JSol Blog 6

Playing the game is a very interesting topic.  It seems we always talk about the methods we take to form relationships.  What I thought is more interesting is the aspect of calling it a game with different strategies.  Looking some of my favorite movies (i.e. Hitch) I see, now, the clues of the 'game'.  Things like playing hard to get and other methods have become almost second nature and until we analyze and experiment we don't see those characteristics.  Looking back to when my girlfriend and I started dating, we had some rocky times, and some methods of the 'game' obviously didn't work.  What did work was being honest and being myself.  So, maybe, the most powerful strategy is not playing the game.  

jspl Background factors in mate selection

After reading the section in the textbook about mate selection and how our family background influences who we choose to marry, I thought about how this tends to be true. The text said that couples tend to be educationally homogamous in marriages. I think that one reason could be due to the fact that couples could meet during their college experience. Another reason could be linked to the ideas of male dominance. Males seem like the would resist the idea of marrying a women who was more educated than them, or "smarter." I also found the part about how black women marry less educated men to be interesting. I wonder if a black women with a PhD would rather marry down or someone with the same education but of a different race.
The book also mentions that women are less likely to marry a man with low income than men to low income women. To me, this seems realistic, because women have been ingrained with the idea that men should be able to support the family. Also when a family only has one income earner, we typically think of the man as the bread winner.

Selecting "The Right One"

Talking about "The Game" yesterday in class was pretty interesting. I think that many people go into relationships, first over analyzing, and then from over analyzing trying to figure out different ways to get the other persons attention or find different games to play to keep them. When we where talking about this subject all I could think about is the movie I saw last weekend, He's Just Not That Into You. In the movie it shows how different couples handle there relationships, or lack there of. And everything we talked about in class like playing hard to get, being mysterious, not having a clear line where the relationship is, ect. all those subjects where in the movie. Every time when those acts would occur the subjects ended up not being together. But as we learned in class its o.k. to test your partner sometimes but in good ways, like "wanting" to babysit your best friend's kids. My eyes have been opened to the new relationship-starting life. So get of our booty and pick up the phone and stop playing hard to get!

Blog #6 Kste

Todays lecture was about the constructive and destructive games that people play when dealing with relationships. I thought that the statement about playing those silly games or taking the silly quizzes for couples is completely destructive. That just shows how much you don't trust your partner and how you don't believe it when he/she says I love you. The constuctive games could help you learn more about your partner. It helps you to see where they come from, what they believe in, and what they value in life. It is sometimes important to play constructive games because you can really find out a lot of valuable information that could help you see who your partner is. You wouldn't want to be dating someone for a long time and find out important things about them and end up disagreeing with them. Relationships can be hard and they aren't easy to explain. But you do need good communication so that you can find out who your partner really is.

Pre-marital inventories also help in furthering the relationship with your partner before you enter marriage. It is important to communicate with your partner so that you can see how your married life is exactly going to be. It is also important to see their side view too. You need to be able to recognize their emotions and thoughts so that the two can work together to have a stable, loving marriage.

Mate Selection

I'm choosing the lecture from Tuesday, March 3rd regarding Mate selection and more specifically the "Game". I am personally familiar with both the constructive and destructive game playing. I find it absolutely fascinating how easy it is to be caught up in the destructive aspect of it and not even really knowing it repeats numerous times in some relationships. It becomes the "normal" thing to do when some people do it so often. When individuals are being threatened over and over I have noticed people begin to either block it out or chose not to be w/ that person.
Acting like another person can also tear a relationship to threads because sooner or later that individual who is not "being themselves" is going to crash. You can only hold up an image so long before you can not take it anymore. You will not be happy and the other person in the relationship will not know you for who you really are. This lecture kept me attention so well because everything pointed out was so true.