Final Blog - J Sol

This is my final blog. Looking back I have learned a lot from this course and think this may be the most applicable material I have experienced so far in college. This class provided some great insight into the family system and how it works as an ever evolving organism. Something the class has really brought to light is the diversity in families, more importantly the diversity of interaction in families. I think too often the general public is enamored with the nuclear family, and not reallly noticing or appreaching diversity in the family structure. Overall, this has been a great class and a great learning experience for me as a student. I know that material I have learned will benefit my future and I'm glad I took this course.

ktho blog

I really enjoyed this class, I liked learning about relationships and the way people communicate and function. I think it really helped me look at understand my own family and relationships. It also changed my view on adoption, I wasnt ever opposed to it, but it was something that I didnt think I would ever consider. I really liked the way that Dr. Hollist taught, he didnt lecture at us, he involved us in the topics, which I think really helps people to focus. But now I have to go finish studying for the final!!!

jspl blog

Looking back at everything we have learned throughout this course, I can say that I feel better prepared for future relationships. I have learned it is not about what a couple fights about, but rather how they fight. If a couple focuses too much on the contents of the fights it can be hard to move on from the fight and sore subjects can be brought up again and again. The final lecture helped put in perspective that one day we are going to have to use the information that we learned to help others. This course taught me that relationships and families are a lot of work and the processes may not come naturally to everyone. There are many parenting styles that a person can choose from and some people don't always make the right decision.

Final/extra credit blog tspies

The last class went outside of the normal family process information to begin to teach us how to apply our knowledge in the professional world. Application is just one of the six levels of learning: knowledge, comprehension, application, analysis, synthesis, and evaluation. I have always wanted to go into the professional counseling world; however, it is not always easy to go past the process or structure and dig deep into the content and function. It is automatic human response to be judgmental, questioning, or to even throw in personal experience, but when dealing with clients they have NO interest in your relationship with your family they want solutions to their issues. It is also a female response to be affiliative and connective. The best way to begin to practice in understanding/helping others is to begin with friends. Take time to be an active listener and try to help them work through their issues the best you can.

Blog #14 Kste

I agree that when I began this course I didn't see how different things affected family. I feel that I have learned a lot about families and how they function, Whether they function because of Socioeconomic status, age, abuse, etc. It is surprising to learn this stuff because I come from a small town and I haven't always learned about the different ways others function. In small towns everybody knows everyone and we are all typically the same, such as where people work. Learning about different families and their jobs, cultures, etc. has been very interesting to me. I feel this course will help me in my career because it will help me to understand others.

Last class

Before starting this course I had know idea that working with families is such a complex process.  Our last class together really showed that in order to effectivley help families there are many skills you have to have as a professional.  There are also many concepts we need to know before actually working with families.  The other idea that our last class stressed was we need to be very careful when responding to what people tell you.  There are many types of responses that could either offend or make the individual feel pressured.  We need to remember how to actually listen and understand a person.  Another point that Dr. Hollist brought up that I think is very important to remember when working with families is, as professionals we need to understand why someone is doing something or acting a certain way even if we do not agree with it.  You have to understand a person or the family in order to help them.

Final

Our very last class seemed to make all of the different things we talked about this entire semester come together. Some of the things were common sense, but then again some people know exactly what to do, but don't do it. Everyone knows that listening is a main part of communication, but it also might be one of the hardest. People need to not just listen, but to active listen. Active listening to me is like when people yell at others to "listen hard". Most people know how to communicate effectively, they just don't do it in the end, they get too wrapped up in what they are fighting about, even though in this class we learned, it's not what you fight about it's the process. Also our understanding of the situtation is another big one to learn to work with. You really need to understand where the other person is coming from so when you do active listen it all goes together as in how that person was trying to tell you in the first place. I just think all of the responses that families will use and go through, and all the effects that we have learned will come in handy. If families start to communicate more when they are having problems, and they do follow what we are teaching them they will end up happier in the end.

final blog

As a senior graduating in August, I have looked back at the classes I have taken the past four years and am glad to see the influence they have in my life. Communication skills are a necessity for people in the work place and in their everyday lives. In the list of traditional responses, I have found that I have used them when communicating to friends. I have a friend that has the same boy drama every week. After so much, its hard to keep listening to her. I will admit, I have used the ignoring response. But as talked about in class, sometimes it may be ok to use those responses. Reasurrance obviously isn't the correct thing to use when someone's father died, but it seems to me people say things like "it will be ok" because they really don't know what to say. This last class discussion has helped me to pick out my situations and know the correct time and place for different responses.

sschm blog 14

I found the last lecture a great wrap up and summary to all the things I've learned throughout the semester. I feel like when dealing with my family and current relationships, I am able to break down the process vs the content and understand the underlying meaning behind the process. I was interesting to learn all the traditional responses that we use. It's easy now to see when to use the appropriate responses in certain different situations, and I feel I can easily see when to use the responses. I feel that I can and will be a better listener to others and will be able to give better advice to my friends and family. This class really has changed my view and outlook with all my relationships with my family and friends. I understand and have learned so much about myself and the reason behind my actions. This class wants me to be able to help others to understand their actions and help those that are lost. This class has personally helped me more than any other class I have taken.

Druz blog 13

I wanted to talk about the speaker we had on Tuesday. His approach was informative and interesting which would really help children to take in the information being presented. With a lot of speakers I have heard it is all about plugging the information into kids heads and making them see what are the best choices, but in a way they judge people who have not made proper choices. As a family consumer science teacher I would be able to only teach what the school wants to be taught, but having a speaker like this at the school would be a new and informative, without judging children and the choices they want to make. And it would be what I would want to say, but couldn't.

J Sol Blog 12

CEDARS Speaker- 

So Tuesday we had a speaker come talk to us about CEDARS and juveniles in need.  It was a pretty interesting presentation and I thought it had a very worthwhile cause.  What I found most interesting was his approach on stigmatizing the homeless and comparing that to racism.  I never thought about it like that before, but it is a valid point because the homeless are thought of as second class citizens and often are treated with disrespect.  I don't know if I would put that on the same level as racism, but I can see the similarities.  I thought, overall, he brought a good message and shed light on issues that a lot of people in the class will be dealing with in future careers.  

speaker

When I first heard that we where going to have a speaker I thought that I would be bored out of my mind and the speaker talking about things I learned in high school health class. Thank goodness that this was not the case. I learned so much from this guy, like how people actually become homeless. Most of the time it has to do with something going on in the family, drugs, alcohol, or mental illness. I think that, that is so sad that these people run away thinking they can fix there life but keep falling down. Something else he talked about was how much drugs plays a part in homelessness, especially meth. These people just get so addicted to it and will do anything to have it. And what it does to your body just makes me sick. People will get the crank bugs and just pick away at there skin. Another thing that really struck me was the way he talked about the homeless, as that we treat them less that humans. When he said that it struck a cord, sometimes I think I do and who am I to do that? So from now on I vow never to run away from home, and to put humanity in front of everything. 

Adoption

Our class discussion about adoption interested me greatly. With so many homeless kids in our city, states, and around the world it seems giving your love to a child who hasn't been able to experience the love of a parent would impact their life as well as your own greatly. In class we talked about how adopted kids usually have questions about their biological family. Recently finding out that I have a brother who my mom was forced to put up for adoption at birth, makes me wonder what it would be like with another brother. Sometimes I want to meet him, maybe have a sibling relationship with him, but obviously if neither my mom or him have tried finding each other maybe I am just not supposed to meet him. In my future, when I am married and ready, I am going to adopt a child.

adoption and guest speaker

Both last thursdays and tuesdays class were very moving. I have always assumed I would adopt when I was older and married and I volunteer with younglife (ministry work with teens). Both topics are very close to my heart and I was so happy we talked about them in class. When we talked about the topics they made me more motivated in what I do now with the teens and what I plan on doing when I later adopt. I have always considered going into outreach work for a living and having the guest speaker come in and talk to us about it I felt more sure then ever before that I am called to work with kids (teens or younger) in difficult life situations.

mswi

Adoption

I had always considered adoption as an option when I was ready to have kids. My father was adopted when he was young and he always speaks so highly of his parents, he seems so grateful. My current boyfriend is from Costa Rica, and we have been dating long enough to have talked about kids and such. We played with the idea of adopting from Costa Rica, but after I heard how much it can cost I don't know if we'll be able to afford it!
I also have a friend who thinks its "dumb" to adopt, especially outside the country. It makes me angry when she speaks about adoption like that. It's also upsetting to her roommate who was adopted when she was young. It's hard to understand some people's mind sets.

Guest Speaker

I really enjoyed our guest speaker explaining to us what is actually happening around the lincoln area. Most people might not realize how important it is just for knowledge to be spread around. There are a lot more homeless people out there of all ages that we don't see on our normal day to day life. With his work, I think he explains it to the kids what they are doing and what they might end up to be doing. He really tries to help and he is actually really fit for his job. I loved how he was so active and just wanted us to know everything we could about what he does and also how we can help out. Overall in general I thought he was a great speaker. Just from listening to his presentation I can tell hes great and he loves his job. It's so great just to know there are people out there willing to help others so much and love what they do. Just thinking about all of the expierence he has gotten from working with all different kinds of people is something else. Im glad we had him come to our class, I think knowledge is one of the greatest keys to help others in need.

Homelessness

I really liked our guest speaker on Tuesday, he has spoke in one of my classes before and I truly admire what he does.  I think homelessness is a huge problem that a lot people do not think about in Lincoln.  A point that he brought that I thought was very interesting is that a lot of people discriminate against homeless people with out even knowing it.  When we walk by a homeless person asking for change I know a lot of us say "Why dont you just get a job?"  I think we all need to remember that people who are homeless are people too just like us, but they live a very different lifestyle.  We have to remember that these people have not just simply chosen to be homeless, something has gone seriously wrong that they had to turn to that lifestyle.  The presentation made me so thankful for my family and everyone who has and still does support me.

Guest Speaker

Chris was a great speaker, I think if I was one of the trouble youth his program is directed towards I would have started thinking twice about my lifestyle after hearing him. I knew that Lincoln had a large number of youth homeless, but I didn't really know much more than that. For me, I am more like to see the older homeless males roaming the streets downtown. The pictures that Chris provided in his presentation with the living conditions of runaways were what really made their lives imaginable for me. I can't believe that these runaway teens find themselves living under bridges or in tents in parks. It really made me think about how life with your parents can be so unbearable that you would want to live in crummy conditions in all types of weather. More than anything, I left class thankful that I never got involved with drugs and that I have my family to support me.

Blog # 13 Kste

I have heard this speaker before and I think he is pretty straightforward about what life is like sometimes for troubled people. It's very interesting to listen to him because some of the things he says are very troublesome but we don't actually realize the problems until we see the bad effects. It was interesting to hear how he works with the troubled people and helps them try and to get back on their feet or try to better their futures. He is a very good presenter and he doesn't just sneak around things he tells you like it is. It is scary to see all the people that live under bridges or in alleys etc. and know that they might be trying but just can't catch a break. I think it's very important to have an organization like this helping people.

ktho blog

I really liked having Chris come and speak to our class. I really enjoy listening to people who are very straighforward with what they are trying to present. I also liked the fact that he was open to telling stories and answering any and all questions we had. I especially liked his thoughts on homeless people, because I always give food and money to homeless people, and my friends and family always critisize me for doing so, but like Chris, there is a reason that they are homeless. I just really wish we had more resources for people who have been addicted to drugs, abused, and homeless.

sschm Blog 13

I found the guest speaker on Tuesday really great. The topic is something that currently is affecting my best friend, and something that helped me understand what she's going through. She has began to use drugs and her life has definitely turned for the worse. It's such a hard position to be in and I want nothing more than to help her but I feel there is nothing that I can say or do that make her change her mind. It took me a while to realize that she was seriously using because I didn't want to see it. For a period she would have fallen under the category of "homeless" and was couch surfing. Coming from a well off family and good education, it truly can happen to anyone. I feel like I have just lost my best friend to something that I can't compete against. This isn't the world that I want for me and I'm not playing along with her game which is also distancing our friendship. It's just made me realize that no matter where you are, this is an issue even in Lincoln Nebraska. The addiction affects everyone around the addict, I just wish that they could understand how it affects others.

Adoption/Special needs tspies

First off, Thursday's class gave me a WONDERFUL new perspective on adoption! What a beautiful thing!! I have two close friends who were adopted. One friend was adopted as a infant and one was adopted as a child who had been victim to sexual abuse. Her family has spent much time working with her in dealing with fear and security issues. It takes special families to nourish these issues. However, my friend has grown to be a strong, wonderful adult!! Often times adoption is over-shadowed my the long intense process, but it can create a strong, healthy family environment. Many children need to be rescued from the unsafe environments and brought into loving homes in order to live out the lives God has intended for them. Each story is such an inspiration to those who hope to adopt! Also, in dealing with special needs... there must be a strong family environment and the various systems surronding that children. If a bond is formed in the micro, meso etc. systems anything can happen and any obstacle can be overcome! Adopted children and special needs children can be an instrument in shaping the future of the world!

J Sol Blog 11

Domestic Violence

We have talked at length in this class, as well as in the textbook, about domestic violence.  In another class of mine we are also talking about the effects of domestic abuse.  We were given a prompt that asked if it was ever alright for a man to hit a woman.  It was interesting hearing the wide array of answers, because it is a topic that is very polarized.  Most people, surprisingly, said yes, men can hit women in situations.  The distinguishing factor was how hard the man was striking the woman, and the intent to harm.  I saw my classmates' points that if a woman is hitting a man over and over that a man should be able to stop it someway.  Hitting her back should be a last resort.  We also talked about what the laws in our states say about men hitting women, which was interesting comparing different state laws.  The last part that really stuck with me was when my teacher, who is a woman, said she expects to get hit by guys because she hits them.  She said when you hit someone, it is a reflex to hit them back, and that if you're a woman and you're hitting a guy, his natural instinct is to hit back.  She said the difference was where a guys hits a woman, and, again, the intent behind the hit.

I personally don't think men should hit women, but nonetheless it was an interesting topic of discussion that I wanted to share through the blog.  

Child Abuse

Child abuse is a topic that I feel very strongly about.  I do not have any tolerance for a person who harms a child.  I do not belive people like this should ever be allowed to have a child if they have ever commited child abuse.  I think people who are do this are disgusting and should be thrown in jail for a long time.  I am a early childhood eduacation major and I know sometime in my future career I am going to see some form of child abuse.  The discussion on domestic violence really made realize that even if I have a little suspicion that one of my students is being abused I need to report it.  Our discussion made me realize that when other adults don't do anything about it even if they have a hint it is going on, it just adds to the abuse and further damages the child. 

druz blog 12

The last thing we talked about in class on Tuesday really go me thinking. I have never looked at the meaning of money and I would never have thought to put it into 4 sections. Yet, what I took from class I put into perspective of my own life. The money I make at my job goes back and forth between security and enjoyment. I really need to save money so I don't have to work as much while in school, but rent is not cheap and it is hard to save. However, when I do save enough money I feel like, hey I'm in college I should be out enjoying myself while I still can, so then I go out for the night, or go shopping. I try not to eat out and I usually stay home and watch TV or read but I always think about the quality of life and how I should be enjoying myself at such a young age like my friends. Once I get a job after school I can't go out all the time and I need to be a role model for my students, so I feel like I'm not going to start enjoying to money I make, within reason, and start saving later.

Domestic Violence

Just knowning that 5, 479 children a day in the U.S. are being abused hurts alot. It just doesn't seem right to know and all of the other statistics that go along with it. I know there are ways to help stop this but I just wish there was an easier way to just tell these people to knock it off. I know its just simple enough to not judge but others need to see this. The 2,000 murders by their partners needs to be knocked way down too. If these couples are in a relationship like this, they all need a little help from their friends that know whats happening to them. Friends around these situtaion really need to watch out for the warning signs that they are giving off when in the relationship. The ones in the relationship also need to keep in mind that recovery is possible, its just a little harder to get to. Where I grew up, we were lucky enough to not of had many of these situtations. We were in a smaller community so almost everyone knew everyone, which doesn't mean it never happened, it just wasn't a big thing that was recognized and showed off which is still bad. People should just always be on the look out for abuse especially if your in a profession which involves seeing people everyday.

Domestic violence

I believe that domestic violence is a tricky subject. Kids know that when their parents are abusing them it is wrong, but because they rely on their parents they don't feel like they can do much about the situation. I think kids are scared to seek help because they're scared their parent may hurt them if they find out they have told an outsider how they behave. There are so many adults who are infertile and would want to adopt kids who are not wanted.

Watching the "Concrete Angels" music video was pretty crazy. I was familiar with the song and can remember listening to it when I was in high school. I guess I really never listened to the words and didn't realized what it was about. I had to go home and watch it again and even look up the lyrics. I think the fact that I never picked up on what it was about shows how society has a blind eye to these types of situations.

Divorce

Sorry about my first post i accedentally clicked the enter button. On to my blog. At the beginning of the chapter it talks about different factors that lead to divorce. A person who is well-educated with a decent income, is religious, comes from an intact family, religious, and marries after age 25 without having a baby first chances are lower to have a divorce than others. Some of the reasons listed above seemed like no brainers, but then the one about being 25 and not having a baby kind of shocked me at first that it had that much of an impact in the divorce rate. Maybe we should make a law that says you can’t marry until your 25. I’m kidding, that’s just like telling people to go to marriage counseling before they get married. Yes, it may help sort out problems but as Dr. Hollist said, that these couples aren’t going because they want to go to counseling they are going because they don’t have to pay as much for the marriage license, which defeats the whole purpose of making the couple go in the first place. Going back to being 25, I think this is such a difference than getting married earlier is that people have time to sort out what they want in life; they have also, in most cases, gone and finished school and are getting a grip on their lives. In my mind if you feel like you have started your life then it is perfectly fine to start another one with another person!

Divo

sschm Blog 12

I found the topic of money in the family to be very interesting. When looking at my own family, money has also been a cause of tension for the parents and now I understand why. My dad uses money as a security factor and is always saving because when he was growing up his family was always living pay check to pay check. Now that he has money, he needs the large savings to feel comfortable. I think he always can sometimes use it as a source of status, as a means of keeping ahead. For my mother, she prefers to use it as enjoyment. She spends a lot of her money on others, her friends, her children and others she may not know. This frustrates my dad because he sees it as wasting where my mom enjoys making others happy and spending her money doing enjoyable things. I do think that a blend creates balance, but this combination I see as always having constant conflict, and although it has gotten better, they still struggle with the issue of money and what power it has behind it. I think I will want to be with someone who has a combination, but I realize that I need someone who enjoys spending money on enjoyable things that we can do together, where my father does not like.

Domestic Violence and children

In class last thursday we learned there are approximately 2 million cases of child abuse reported annually. This statistic alone is sad, but to go even farther and think of all the children that are getting abused and not reported every year is even more devestating. Working for Visinet, which is health and human services of Nebraska, doing supervised visitations and transportation I have seen first hand how domestic violence and child abuse affects children. One little boy confided in me how he dad gets "rough" with him, so I called it in. The cops showed up and asked his Dad about the incident, obviously he isn't going to confess, and the boy was sent home stating it was a misunderstanding. After this situation, he was scared I was going to "tell" on him. After telling me random things that didn't have any negitive aspects of, he would ask if I was going to tell anyone. Like we were talking in class, it takes a lot of evidence to help a kid, but I feel better that hopefully since my call, calls after mine will be taken more seriously.

ktho blog

I guess I will continue on with the conversation of money and does it make you happy? In my home situation, the main time my parents disagree is when they are struggling to pay the bills. If we had more money I think my parents would be happier. So I guess money isn’t the only thing that makes you happy, but I definitely think it helps. If I had money I would still raise my kids so that they knew how to work, they would have part-time jobs, and they would know how to clean. I guess I have a biased view of it coming from a middle-lower class family, I think there would have been a lot less stress and disagreements if we had the money to buy what we needed.

finances

when talking about money and its effect on family i felt really blessed. my family is on the wealthy side. my dad is an actuary and my mom is a professor. they both have a great income on their one and together money has never been an issue. My parents hardly ever fight and i don't think i ever heard them arguing about money. both of them share the money they make and both like to use the money it the same way. My parents save the money and we live fairly conservative. We hardly bye anything expensive and when we spend our money it is usually on things for the family such as vacations. i am very blessed to come from a family with money and with parents who agree on how to spend it because it is one less thing for my family to struggle with.

Blog #12 Kste

I have also learned that money is extremely important when going to college. My family sits decently. My dad is a farmer and my mom is nurse. Their income has helped build are socioeconomic status into what it is today. My dad had to work from nothing to get where he is at now. He said that he came out of college with more money then he went in with. Now according to me that is pretty hard to do. But he worked really hard to be where he is at now. But he has always taught me to earn my money for me. He doesn't hand me whatever I want when I want it. He tells me I have to work for it. I have been babysitting since i was like ten and I have had 2 jobs all the way through high school. Don't get me wrong if I was ever in trouble with money he would help me but he really wanted me to learn for myself how important it is to save my money. I'm very careful with how I spend my money now a days just because I know I have earned it myself.

Socioeconomic Diversity-tspies

One thing I have learned in the passed for years with starting college and paying my own bills- Money is extremely important. People say that money does not buy happiness and it doesn't! However, it sure can help and make life a little bit less stressful. When my parents decided to divorce many years ago their main issue was money. One wanted to SAVE, SAVE, SAVE! and one wanted to SPEND, SPEND, SPEND! There has to be a balance in finances and an agreement as to who will work. Many dual-working partners work just as well as families where the father is the primary provider. Also, I understand how so many families fall into debt or poverty. The cost of living as spiked tremendously in the past few years and the current economy does not help. If you have five children at home and it is cheaper for the mom to stay at home than pay for childcare but the family of seven struggles on a single income.- This scenario is quite logical and is apparent in many similar situations. My dad always thought "Busting his butt to barely get by..." Kudos to all the hardworking people who try their hardest to make ends meet!

Socioeconomic Diversity

Finances are a part of everyone's life whether you want to believe it or not. It takes work to manage it and to be able to stay away from debt. It seems that with married couples there are always issues arising that revolve around money...What food to buy, what car to drive, brands of clothing to wear, what schools and activities to put your kids into, etc. The list goes on and managing your money is definitely key to being able to do the things you want. When we spoke in class today about the meaning of money it never occurred to me that there were many different ways to look at it. Now that they are listed in front of me it seems so obvious and also seems to lay out why some married couples fight about it so much. One adult may want to save it for an emergency and the other may want to use it for enjoyment however that may be defined. I think that negotiating with your partner is very important as a couple to figure out what to do with your finances.

JSol Blog 10

Dual Earning Families - 

I thought the reading on families where the mother and father both work was very interesting.  I grew up in a divorced household, and both parents and sets of step parents work.  I thought it was intriguing when the chapter pointed out adapting strategies for families experiencing a change from non-working to working parents.  I guess I never thought it would require a particular strategy to cope with the change, because I was so used to the idea of families working.  I know some friends who had their parents return to the workforce, but they did not seem to take it very hard.  I am interested to ask them, personally, about what they experience and if they had hardships with their mothers or fathers returning to work.  

Family and work

What struck me most when reading chapter 9, was the beginning. The book talked about dealing with dual-earning families and how to balance out work and family. My mom has just recently gotten back into the workforce so its been really hard for my family to adjust. In the book it talks about how one of the maine adaptive strategies is to value family before anything else. With my family I can defiantly see this. My brother is helping out with a lot more house chores and helping my parents get my sister to and from school. But I think one thing that needs to be worked on is valuing time. Our family is very busy, so getting the schedule all smoothed out can be difficult. And getting enough family time is a struggle as well; just getting the family to dinner twice a week can be a challenge in its self. I think though for a dual working family we are doing pretty well, no one seems to fret to much about it; plus no family is perfect. 

Chapter 15 reading jspl

While reading the reasons for infidelity in chapter 15, I found the emotional need interesting. The text said that for many women they get involved with older married men to, perhaps, replace a father. For men, they suggested that men will get involved with older women to fill a nurturing void from his childhood. When I read this, it made me think of cougars. I began thinking about Ashton Kutcher and thought that maybe his marriage to Demi Moore was his way of finding an unmet need he lack while growing up.

The characteristics of abusive spouses is something that should be more well known. I think that many of these characteristics could be seen as warning signs for dating couples early in their relationship. If this information was made more available, then some women could avoid putting themselves in these dangerous relationships.

Blog #11 Kste

Parenting adolescents can be very difficult. My parents had 5 children within the span of 6 years. We are all at the age of testing their patience. They love us no matter what but I do notice the differences that they had in parenting us. My two older brothers were always really good kids and they went out in high school but they never went pass curfew or went every weekend. When I got to high school age I went out way more then my brothers. I always pushed the limits and was late. So their parenting styles changed over time because I was more of a social bug. My younger sister was like my two older brothers. She always hung out with the right people and didn't every cross my mom or dad. Now my younger brother is to that age and he is a lot like me. He has a way stricter curfew and he has to tell mom and dad at all times where he is. I think it's like this because of the example I set for him. I wasn't a very good child I'll admit and they learned from their mistakes with me and now he has it way worse.

when we were talking about parenting adolescents in class on thursday I kept think how well my parents raised both me and my sister. They were able to give us the space we need to grow up, but always had an idea of what was going on in our lives and had control over the parts that were nessisary. I do agree that parents get easier on the youngest then the oldest. my sister is two years older than me and I was able to get away with a lot more things then she was at my same age. I was always able to push the boundaries of curfew more then she was able to. this could also be because my older sister always had a boyfriend and I never dated in highschool

mswi work family spill over

I didn't even have to read about work-family spill over to know what it was. My father had a very stressful job and you could definitely tell when he had a bad day because he brought it home with him. It was really annoying because he would be moody and we couldn't do anything about it, we all had to kind of just deal with it. When my mom had a bad day she just made fun of the people who made her angry that day (haha her bad days were funny). I know that I bring my own stress home from work some days but my friends can get me into a pretty good mood when I see them =)

Parenting Adolescents

I think my parents did a wonderful job parenting me. I always listened to them and when I did mess up I already knew I would be grounded and I would pay for it. Thinking back now, if I would of turned out to be one of the wilder kids, they probably wouldn't of known what to do. They couldn't of stopped me from going out. They could of grounded me, but if I was that wild I would have just not listened and went out anyways. Thats why I think they did so good getting to me when I was little. We both know that I wasn't the perfect little angel, but I did try to always listen to them. I know they know best but sometimes that just conflicts with what I was doing at the time. Their flexibility and connection fit right into how I thought and acted. My parents also blocked a lot of the channels on the tv that they thought I shouldn't be watching, like MTV and channels similar. They actually ended cutting all of our channels down to only 1-16, just so I would want to get out of the house more and be active outside. I guess most of what they tried to do worked out for the best though.

ktho blog

When I look back to my adolescent years I feel sorry for my parents, but I am glad things went the way it did. I really struggled with independence, as the first child my parents had set very strict rules, but I was very adventurous, and did not like being told what to do. It caused a lot of fights and I had a very rocky relationship with my parents for a while. Now that I am older they respect me and understand where I was coming from, and they loosened up a lot on my younger sister, maybe that’s because she doesn’t do anything wrong but still. This is a very hard time for parents and I think the way parents handle the situation can make a really big difference.

tspies-blog- Adolescents

I get a tadbit terrified when I think about having to parent my own children during adolescents.!! :( When I look back on my adolescence it was a terribly difficult time in my life. Other peers can be so cruel when you want to join their group, and they feel that you are not cool enough to do so. I once did a paper on adolescent depression and the facts and figures where astounding! Almost 20% of all American teens have experienced a serious case of depression (National Institute of Health) The causes of depression are highly varied in teen years: low self-esteem, not fitting in, weight gain and body changes, family situations etc. As adolescents struggle to establish their own identity it is hard for a parent to know when to step in and when to step back when risky behaviors come into play. I believe that adolescents is all about safely experimenting with life situations and parents setting reasonable boundaries. My parents allowed me to struggle with friends for me to learn who my true friends were and gave me a flexible boundaries to find myself. Through all the struggles adolescents can find their happiness.

sschm Blog 11

When thinking back to when I was a adolescent, I can't imagine how much of this information I went through, and how hard I made it on my parents. I feel lucky enough to have hard a strong sense to belonging to a group of friends and never really felt left out. I also had very supportive parents, even If i didn't want them to be. I couldn't imagine if I wouldn't have had the friends and in-group feeling which I did. I was very into my life and into my friends and looking back was very egocentric, but now I realize it's exactly what I need at the time. It's amazing that as you grow, at least for me I've found an new important and belonging with in my family and friends, finally finding that balance between the two. Looking back, I think about what my parents must of felt and how it had to hurt them and all i wanted to do was be with my friends and be socializing. Knowing this will make this stage of raising a child more understandable opposed to hurtful. I was the second and last child, so my parents were more or less expecting this behavior.

t-spies Children

I believe that the information is Thursdays and Tuesdays class is in great preparation for the on-set before having children. Though very few individuals in our class have children most people understand the extent of starting a family. I have to raise a "virtual child" in another one of my classes and realize how much decisions impact a child life; however, my child ended up smoking marijuana and in jail. And important thing to remember is it is okay make mistakes as a parent, but you need to have unconditional love for your child, unconditional positive regard "letting them know that you are ALWAYS there for them" and occasional tough love. In the end your child will have more respect for you. Also, you need to teach my example and let them experiene things for themselves. If you try to be authoritative your child we grow up to be unique with a little bit of you in-grained in them! :)

JSol Blog 9

Play - 

In class we talked about watching children play and what we can take from their interaction with their peers.  I always thought the observation of people when interacting in their peer group spoke heavily on their character.  This seems to be the same with children, just on a different level.  I found it interesting you could see the parenting style used by the interaction the child uses with their peers.  I think there needs to be deep observation of the child before the assumptions of parenting styles are finalized because you never know what little event can set a child off.  I remember being in pre-school there were some days I just wanted to act out and not listen with no real reason to do so.  I think that would be an interesting topic of research.  

jspl Raising Children

When I was younger I always wanted children without a doubt. The older have become, the more I ride the fence on the issue. A few years back I began questioning having children. I thought that kids would put a damper on my plans for travel and “having fun.” I realized that your idea of fun changes once you have kids. Part of the reason I don’t want to have children is because I am afraid I will screw them up. When we talked about how some people are afraid they will break the babies they are holding, well I am one of those people. I’m not afraid I will actually break them, but that they are uncomfortable while I hold them, or that I am not supporting their head right. My boyfriend knows this so he has been making me spend more and more time with his nephew so I can have the chance to hold younger babies. As far as correcting children when they do something wrong, I feel like I know the right way to handle the situation, but acting in that manner is another issue for me. For now I am fine with holding other people's babies and may want one later, but I still fear there are too many ways to raise children and that it might not come natural to me.

druz blog 10

One thing that really captured my attention in class on Tuesday was that the function of play for a child is communication. Now that I know this I can look back at the times I babysat or even when I was younger that it is so obvious. Whenever I babysat for this one girl, she would always be babysitting for her doll. I kind of took notes on what she wanted to do by what she was doing with her doll. When her doll was hungry, it was time to eat. When the doll needed to go to the bathroom, I figured she did too. I never looked at it as she was communicating but that she just wanted to be like me because what girl doesn't want to be like the person that babysits them, I knew I always did and was by babysitters shadow. This will really help me in my profession as an educator. Even though I will be teaching high school, and those students don't really play, maybe I could pick up from their actions as a way of communication rather than just seeing the basic picture like I would have originally.

sschm blog 10

I found it very interesting when talking about families with young children, the functions and meanings behind children's actions. It's something that I never realized was so complicated with their actions meaning something different. It makes me realize how hard parenting really is. I just watched the movie Marley and Me and this clearly showed the mom struggling with the three children and keeping her sanity. But she developed an authoritative style of parenting and developed a real connection with her children. I'm lucky to have had the same experiences with my own parents, where they created an environment of safe learning and non judgemental growing up. I think this will push me to be a better parent when or if I decide to take that role. Understanding what your children are trying to communication through different outlets is important to be able to decode and process their real meaning. I will look to teach not tell.

Children

Children have always been a topic of debate between my mom and I. I told her that she probably will not be having grandchildren from me and she thinks that is an irrational decision. It might very well be, being that I am only nineteen but sometimes children are not for everyone. It’s so true that children really do become your job once they are born. And sometimes that is too much for people. Yes, children are cute, but usually when they are not your own. I might not sound so illogical right now but if I do someday decide to have children I would want to teach them all the things that they are going to need to know. And like discussed in class you have to let them learn from their mistakes and teach them in ways that they will understand and not just show them. I also believe that autonomy is so important, again letting the child figure out what is right for them. I don’t know, maybe kids aren’t so bad after all.

ktho blog

I always enjoy the class discussions and topics, but I find myself being very traditional when thinking about raising my own children. I want my kids to be disciplined and know the boundaries, and I don’t think that will restrict their independence. I was very surprised to hear all the comments about how spanking or slapping a child was wrong and child abuse. I know as a child there were times when I deserved a good spank on the butt, and I plan to use the same practices when I have kids of my own. There is a difference between child abuse and spanking an unruly child. For whoever doesn’t think that children should get spanked, they should spend a weekend with my younger brother. He is now at the age that when my dad spanks him, he simply replies “that didn’t hurt you old man”. Which is somewhat funny, but I got a good “spankin” as a child, and I think I turned out just fine.

Families with Young Children

In class on tuesday, I really liked how we talked about all of the children and parents getting along. The part about how kids like to dress themselves is true in so many ways. You can see it every day in real life and also in the movies. The best thing is to just let them wear what they want to wear. Parents really just need to understand that autonomy is more important than the social norm. Kids will learn on their own what is right and wrong. Yes sometimes along the way they will need help, but for the most part they will figure things out by themselves. The best way for them to learn is to let them do and to try. They need to let life happen for them to remember and have it locked into their brain. But parents also can't forget to be the parents, they will need some help along the way. All you need to do is let them make the path.

Blog #10 Kste

I like the dicussion about Families with young children. It was interesting about the part of playing and teaching. I think it is very interesting when children are playing because they play with such an imagination that I think you kind of lose as you get older. They sometimes act like moms, princesses, or farmers which can generally happen in real life. But they also sometimes act like animals, cars, or superheros. The have that sense of doing whatever they want and being whatever they want. I also thought the part about teaching was very interesting. I think children do typically learn by doing. For example I was babysiting one day and I told the little girl to not touch the burner on the stove as I cooked the macaroni. I left to go help another one of the children get a toy. I went back to the kitchen to see the little girl holding her fingers. I asked her if she touched the pan and she said no. I asked her again and told her I wouldn't get mad. She said yes and then I took her to the bathroom to run cold water over it. It shows that she really didn't know that it would hurt until she tried it herself.

Anger

I found our discussion on conflict resolution to be very interesting.  We started talking about the myths of anger and conflict.  I hope I am not the only one, but honestly I thought some of these myths were true!  For example anger is caused by others.  I have always thought that other people were making me angry, but really I was just letting them make me angry.  I think this is very important to remember, because really only you can make yourself angry.  Another one of the myths I thought was true, is the best way to deal with anger is to let it out.  After we talked about this in class I realized this statement is completely untrue.  I think if people were expected to let out their anger the way they wanted to, we would have a much more violent society than we already do.  I do think it is important for people to remember if they are angry about something it is important to handle it in a healthly mature way.  Another important fact about anger that I need to remember is we do not think clearly when we are angry.  It is best not to make important decisions when we are angry.  

ktho blog

I think the most interesting classes yet have been the ones over conflict and conflict resolution. It really helps to hear and learn about conflict in my personal relationship. I have realized the "dance" category that I am. I also found it very interesting to learn that the number and level of fights is irrelevant in determining happy couples. The only thing is that it is hard to focus on the process and how we fight instead of what we fight about. I also find it true about homeostasis, once you start to fight a certain way it is really hard to change that.

jspli Conflict Resultion

The discussion of conflict resolution made me realize that the severity of the fight is unimportant, rather its about how well the couple interacts when they are not fighting. It is also important to that the conflict gets resolved and not just pushed aside. This made me think about one of my previous relationships. My ex-boyfriend and I would have the same fight over and over. Thursday discussion made me realize that we never really resolved the issue we were fighting about. So then when a new argument came about, we always brought up past arguments. In this relationship I also felt like my opinion didn't matter. When we did argue, I was always interrupted and never felt like he could see my side of the argument. Know how make arguments healthy and how important it is to come to an understanding when resolving it will help me to make fighting "successful" in future relationships.

conflicts

when talking about conflict resolution last thrusday i was very interested with the graph that was drawn on the board. my whole life i believed the couple that was the happiest was the couple who hardly fought and when they did it was very small, probably because my parents (to my knowledge) have a great relationship and hardly fight. my sister however and her boyfriend fight all the time. about little things, about big thing, and about everything in between. my mom and i have agreed from the start of my sisters relationship that because they fight so much they are not a good couple and should break up. however after thursdays class i started to think about my sisters and her boyfriends fights. yes they fight a lot, but i realized they are an example of one of those couples who can get up to 80 and go back to 0. i have realized that even though my sister and her boyfriend fight and my parents never fight both of their relationships are possibly very good relationships.

sschm Blog 9

When talking about conflict resolution on Thursday, It was so interesting to realize how I have dealt with resolving conflict in my relationships. I was a victim of focusing solely on the content of the fight opposed to the process. I would repeat the same fight over and over again, not understanding why I couldn't be resolved. I had fallen into a pattern of constant ups and downs, but the relationship was incapable of successfully making all the way down. When thinking about fighting, it always has a negative connotation associated with it, and It was interesting to realize that it's not about how intense or how frequent you may have conflict, although constantly may not be healthy, but it's how you resolve and communicate to a level of happiness. It has already helped me when dealing with current conflict in my life. I step back now and watch why I'm creating this conflict and the reasons behind why I need to feel a certain way. It's going to make my relationships more successfully and happier.

Being infertile in a fertile world

In chapter 11 there is a section that talks about infertility. I think this is such a huge topic right now because in today’s society so many women are having babies. This is very prevalent in the celebrity scene, people see that Angelina Jolie is having babies and think that they should get pregnant as well. Now I’m not saying that every couple thinks this but it does cause for some thought. When reading this part of the chapter all I thought about was the movie Juno, where a teenage girl gets pregnant and decides to give it up for adoption. The couple that is adopting the baby talks about how they have been in this situation before but the biological mother decided to keep the baby. You can tell the emotional strain that it puts on this family. Whenever the couple is together in the movie they act really awkward towards each other. I could see how being infertile can put a damper on the relationship, because all you would think about is how you need to get pregnant, now! Sex wouldn’t even be enjoyable anymore because the only reason you would try to have sex is to get pregnant. Something that really surprised me in the reading is how it talks about how males have just as much responsibility for the couple being infertile as the woman. I had always been under the impression that is was mostly the women, especially the way that society brings it up in our culture with shows like Jon and Kate Plus Eight, or the octo-mom. I think that it is great though that families do care so much about raising children and wanting to start a family; and do whatever it takes.

"The Dance of Anger"-tspies

After Tuesday's class, I began to reflect back on how my parents interacted and later how my stepparents interacted. My dad was always the blamer- no matter what happened "It was NEVER his fault and someone else was ALWAYS to blame" My mother however was always the distancer and wanted to seperate herself from the situation for awhile- and this was quite often. So when I looked at how my parents interacted....the problem was never faced because one person was always blaming someone else and one seperate herself from the issue. Their conflict resolution was low... My stepmother now always nags my dad to face the problem instead of blaming and it seems to work nicely. My stepfather is an overfunctioner and takes charge when my mom wants space. It seems to me as though some styles of dance function better together than others, however if there is love in a relationship hopefully the conflict will always eventually resolve. Also, it reminds me of the movie.. Mr. and Mrs. Smith- both distancers with obviously much stress on the marriage, but once things were laid out on the table the years of problems came to surface.

Blog #9 Kste

When reading Chapter 11 to prepare for Thursday's class I was noticing all the information on birth control. We see in our society today a lot more awareness on birth control. We see the condoms, pills, patches etc. It is really hard to say how I feel about this. Some people have strong beliefs about birth control and they believe in natural birth control such as the rythm method, which is the calender method and knowing the timing and other people feel that it is a way for protecting themselves with something they aren't ready for. But I think it is important to know your calender timing because some people don't take the timing of the month into consideration. I don't think anybody should have to explain themselves for what they do or what they believe. If they feel it's wrong to take birth control then that is their decision. As long as people are aware of the situations then it is completely up to them. I know of some people that say it's completely wrong to take birth control and they degrade sometimes on the people that do take it. It's none of their business and people have the right to make their own decisions.

I feel like carrie from sex in the city!

After class on Tuesday I realized how much power really does effect relationships between people. Putting more thought into it I realized how much of a pushover I am. A couple months ago I called my 16-year-old brother out of his classes one day, for what? To be the cool older sister? He called me knowing that I would. But then I ask the question how does the way we grow up effect how much power we have in a relationship? And I guess I would say yes, but not maybe exactly the way you grew up but maybe what role and what function you might have played in the family. Then I suppose this all goes back to what function play in your family growing up plays a huge part in you love life. It's all one big cirlce!

Expert Influence

The discussion we had on Tuesday regarding power and influence kept reminding me of my parents and their decision making.  When I was younger I always thought that my Dad was the one making the decisions.  Now that I am older I know that their decision making process is not that simple.  After the lecture on Tuesday I realized that my parents' decisions are usually based on Information Influence and Expert Influence.  When making decisions my parents talk a lot about that decision and whoever has the most information or expertise on that particular subject has the most influence on that decision.  I think this is a great way for each person in a relationship to have an  influence on what ever the topic is.  If people would do it this way I think the most logical decision and correct decision will be the end result.

Partners with power

Tuesday's discussion of how couples interact when making decisions made me think about when my boyfriend and I went shopping the previous weekend. We have recently decided to move in together. We went furniture shopping to look for things that we will need. I would say that in most situations I let him choose options that he likes. However when we were looking for furniture, he knows that I know more about what makes furniture "good" because my mom has expensive furniture and has showed me what to look for when purchasing new items. While I let my boyfriend have a say in what pieces he like, ultimately, I had the final say in what pieces we bought. When we were deciding where to live, he also let me make the final decision, we agreed upon two places but he "let" me choose. He said he could be happy at both places so he told me to pick the place I would would be happy with the most.

sschm Blog 8

I think the topic of power is very interesting. When in a relationship it seems to be a constant struggle until you both reach a level your comfortable with. The principle of least interest is something that I particularly found in my own life. I've never realized that this constant power struggle is related to the level of interest. It makes sense to me now looking back on past relationships that I've had where the power was a constant struggle to realize that the person with the least interest did hold more power. It seems that this power struggle can turn into a game leaving someone feeling on top and someone feeling empty. With a current new relationships it seems that this principle is very relevant. With it being new it seems to be this constant game of getting comfortable with each other and not wanting to disclose too much feelings and information. It will be very important for my future relationships to have this understanding and knowledge and will make them stronger and healthier.

druz blog 8

I chose to blog about the discussion of power in the relationship. I found out from this lecture that I usually have most power in all of my relationships. As I looked back I was ashamed because I took advantage in some situations where I was less invested in the relationship so I had more power, and I used that power to get what I wanted. I'm just relieved that my relationship now there is shared power. I win some arguments and lose some. I don't exactly know how I could use this in the profession I'm going into, which is teaching. However, if the discussion ever came up in my class I would be able to give the information I learn in class and apply it to my students and their problems. I don't know how much help I could be but some information is better than none when dealing with different types of relationships.

tspies-Decisions in Marriage

As I listened to the discussion on Tuesday all I could think of was the movie I saw on Spring Break. "I Love You, Man." (I won't spoil the movie). One of the couples in the movie had established a terrible relationship based on the principle of least interest and and the coercive influence. The wife REALLY wanted/needed her husband to invite a friend's fiance over to play poker. The husband didn't want the fiance came over but his wife bribed him with sex, and he decided what outfit she had to dress in. Everyone in the theather laughed at such control, but the wierd thing is that this seems to happen in too many relationships. I am not sure how the wife in the movie was ever happy with this relationship?! I have never really been in a long-term relationship but still seem to know what I want (and it doesn't include this) Can relationships last on the basis on unequal decision making and power?! It seems to me as if the relationship would never be 50/50 in happiness but more like 90/10.

ktho blog

I thoroughly enjoyed our lecture on Tuesday; power is huge in a relationship. I liked to learn about the different bases of influence, but my problem is I always deal with the legitimate influence in my relationship, which we said was somewhat unhealthy. I can see that it’s bad for my boyfriend and me, but I almost don’t know how to fix it. I also have the bad habit of thinking, “what can I get out of this”? The Principal of Least Interest, I have all the power, and while I would like to work on this, I won’t lie, I like having the power. I know it is unhealthy and might eventually ruin our relationship, but that is how things were when I was growing up. Mom had all the power and my parents are really happy still, I just worry about my relationship. I think this sounds a little crazy but what do people think about couples our age going to therapy???

Making decisions

With decision making in marriages, I believe you need to know where you stand and also where your partner stands. Making these decisions can be very hard if both you and your partner have different views. But that is where the give and the take come into having a marriage. It also goes along with what we talked about before, married couples that either don't communicate at all and have no union, those who are too into each other, and then the ones that have thier unity and individualism. Of course the ones with their own individuality are going to make the decisions that turn out best in the end. Those that don't communicate will have no idea what the other one would like, those that are too into each other might do what the other one wants but deep down really not what they want. So with their own individual thoughts the couples can communicate and make the decisions that are best for the family. It all wraps around a little communication.

Blog #8 Kste

I think it is really important to know how to make decisions in your marriage. I think that it is really wise to know where your position is in marriage. Whether it is a husband dominant, wife dominant, syncratic, or autonomic. That way you know where you stand in your relationship with your significant other. I personally think that if you're comfortable with your position in your marriage then you'll be successful. i also think that knowing how to intervene is really important. Whenever I see my parents have a altercation or disagreement they calmly work out their problems. By first calming themselves down and they discuss with eachother how to resolve the problem. Compromise and understanding of eachothers points of views is important in marriage I think. If you can't agree on things calmly or resolve the issues then those problems will always be with you. Nobody ever wins the fights. If you resolve the conflicts together and take in others views you can really have a great understanding of eachother and if you have an understanding of eachother your communication will be successful too.

JSol Blog 7

Chapter 10-

Chapter 10 talks about how children are increasingly their influence over their parents.  I see some real legitimacy in this claim.  It is funny, watching advertisements, how companies make their product more appealing to a younger audience because companies know now that kids can sway and lobby their parents to make a certain decision.  There is a new emphasis on collective decision making and children are capitalizing.  I know, personally, growing up I could tell my parents were able to be swayed on their decisions by my input.  It was a much more democratic process than in the past.  For example, it was Black Friday and my dad was contemplating getting a new plasma tv.  I single-handedly lobbied him to buy the tv and to stand in line with me to get it.  Just proves the point, I suppose.  

Chapter 10

After reading chpt 10 with the section about children and having sources of power, I thought immediately about my 16 year old brother. He exerts considerable influence over my parents. This past weekend I was home with my family. My brother was supposed to be grounded from the previous weekend because he never came home and stoped answering his phone when my mom called. My parents are not together so my brother always uses the act that he is with my dad or helping him with something on the farm. With my brothers lies he is excerting power over my mom. This weekend, when he was supposed to be grounded he did the same thing of not coming home. My mom doesnt know how to handle him and make him listen. She is coming to my sister and I to help her call him or figure out with he is doing. Which isnt fair for us to rat on our brother. Child power can cause great distress in a family :S

jspl Class Tuesday

In class on Tuesday we discussed how men and women communicate differently. I noticed this to be true when I talk to my mom. A lot of times I will tell her about something that is bothering me and she always trys to get me advice. Sometimes I just want her to listen and tell me anything that I should try to make the situation better. Despite my mom and I being close I learned that telling her things always comes with advice. So I have actually started telling one of my guy friends all my problems. He just listens when I need to him. I feel like womens natural instincts could actually make my mom and I's relationship not as strong. On the flip side, I know whenever I need multiple perspectives on things my mom will always offer those to me.

sschm Blog 7

I found the different forms that men and women communicate to be very interesting. Although it does fall into stereotypical communication methods of men and women, I've recently realized some men just aren't capable of communicating on a affiliative and relationship level. I've felt like I want this guy to be able to communicate with me and listen to me and to feel a connection and I think he's honestly not capable of it. This is why you should never ditch your friends for men because some just may never understand and listen to you. The knowledge of knowing the difference in how we communicate has really helped me understand that he has the typical gendered communication skills and no one has taught him how to be more affiliative and relationship oriented, but I'm not sure that I'm up for the job. How much can you really make someone listen and understand you. If you can't communicate what really is there?

Ch 10

I did not enjoy reading chapter 10, it actually confused me a little. It said that couples who shared equal power were not as happy as couples who had one person with more power than the other. However, when I read the different types of powers and examples they all seemed manipulative and they were all described in a bad way. Is there a good way to hold power? What research shows us that these couples are happier? I can see that they would be happier because it is the norm and thats just the way it goes in their society. I guess I don't like the idea of somebody else having that kind of power over me.

druz blog 7

I choose to blog over the part in Chapter 10 about the psychological need for power. I have always come across people who have to win in everything they do, even an argument. My sister comes to mind because I believe that she doesn't feel as good about herself if she doesn't win an argument. The feminist theory, the patriarchal hierarchy in families allows the use of male-female violence as a way of maintaining male power within the marriage. Rates of spousal abuse are lower in societies in which women have economic power within the marriage. If my sister knew this then it would be the next argument she would have with her boyfriend. I have always look to my sister as being tough, but this makes me look at her and want her to show some resilience in the armor she is wearing to protect herself. Although I have done this as well, it would be nice to teach my students that it is okay to let your partner win once in a while.

Lets Talk

Last class period was very interesting when talking about the communication of men and women. It was nice to hear what the difference are. Like how men are competitive, action and solution oriented. And how women are affiliative, connection and relationship oriented. When I relate this back to my own family I kind of chuckle to myself because these words relate to my mom and dad to a "T". My dad is always calm and trying to help me find the best way to go about things. When I need a straight answer I always go to him. My mom is the one who comes up to me and ask me how I'm doing. She's the one I go to, to weigh out my options. I could never see my parents switching roles, and I think that was a good point that was brought up in class, how it is good that women and men have these roles. But I also think that men shouldn't totally disregard not trying to be relationship oriented, and I don't think that women show not try to take action on a thought process. I think that a happy medium is best for all parties. 

ktho blog 7 on communication

I enjoyed our debates on communication, and one thing I feel very strongly about is keeping the different ways females and males communicate. I do think that males should be able to discuss a topic that is bothering someone instead of just blowing it off. But.... I do know that I like being able to go to my girlfriends when I need to "vent", and going to hang with my guy friends when I just want to listen to somewhat stupid topics (like arguing about football, or who has the smelliest shoes). I don’t think there is anything wrong with our communication styles. I personally would not want all men walking around talking about how this person hurt their feelings, or what that person is wearing. Now I am not saying that we women are shallow and this is all we do, and I am not saying that there is anything wrong when some styles of communication get crossed. But I do think that discussing the different ways people communicate helps us to understand each other better.

Blog #7 Kste

Communication is very important in any kind of relationship with anyone, such as a family, friendship, or a significant other. Consistent communication is very important. In class on Tuesday he said the communication is KEY. If you don't have communication then you have nothing to build off of. Non-verbal or verbal it doesn't matter both are important. Non-verbal can show the actions you feel toward someone, such as if you were to wave at someone you are giving a general hello. Non-verbal communication is used in many ways. You can see someone and scowl because you dislike them for some reason and that person will know immediately that they aren't a favorite of yours. Eye contact plays an important role also. If I am talking to someone I like them to be looking at me so I know they are paying attention to what I have to say. But sometimes I catch myself looking away from others that are talking to me. Some people though are very uncomfortable with staring at someone when they are talking because they feel it might make them self-concious or uncomfortable. Everyone communicaties differently whether its with gender, culture or other kinds of differences.

ktho blog 6

I thought the section over dating was really interesting, and I agree with most of the theories. I want to eventually marry somebody with the same level of education and somebody who wants to have kids. I also think that those tests are a good indicator of how people communicate in their relationships.

sschm Blog 6

I found the mate selection lecture very interesting. I think the whole playing the game is something I've never actually thought about, but partake in quite often. Right now I've just met someone and were playing all these sort of mysterious, hard to get mind games. Personally, I am now able to step back from the games and analyze exactly what I'm trying to get from the "game" and just be more honest about what I really want. This is the first time I've been aware of the games and decided not to play. This is going to help me with all my future relationships and I'm glad I've realized it now.

playing games

during the lecture when we were discussing mate selection i was surpised when we began talking about game playing. i never really thought about games and finding someone all that conected and relivant to one another. The more we discussed game playing the more i realized how the bad games can really damage relationships. in my past relationships i was a big "i know know/care" game player. i didn't even think about it at the time as a game but looking back i now see how damaging it really was on my relationships. i am very glad the game playing topic was dicussed in class and i know it will really make me look at relationships differently, both mine and others around me.

JSol Blog 6

Playing the game is a very interesting topic.  It seems we always talk about the methods we take to form relationships.  What I thought is more interesting is the aspect of calling it a game with different strategies.  Looking some of my favorite movies (i.e. Hitch) I see, now, the clues of the 'game'.  Things like playing hard to get and other methods have become almost second nature and until we analyze and experiment we don't see those characteristics.  Looking back to when my girlfriend and I started dating, we had some rocky times, and some methods of the 'game' obviously didn't work.  What did work was being honest and being myself.  So, maybe, the most powerful strategy is not playing the game.  

jspl Background factors in mate selection

After reading the section in the textbook about mate selection and how our family background influences who we choose to marry, I thought about how this tends to be true. The text said that couples tend to be educationally homogamous in marriages. I think that one reason could be due to the fact that couples could meet during their college experience. Another reason could be linked to the ideas of male dominance. Males seem like the would resist the idea of marrying a women who was more educated than them, or "smarter." I also found the part about how black women marry less educated men to be interesting. I wonder if a black women with a PhD would rather marry down or someone with the same education but of a different race.
The book also mentions that women are less likely to marry a man with low income than men to low income women. To me, this seems realistic, because women have been ingrained with the idea that men should be able to support the family. Also when a family only has one income earner, we typically think of the man as the bread winner.

Selecting "The Right One"

Talking about "The Game" yesterday in class was pretty interesting. I think that many people go into relationships, first over analyzing, and then from over analyzing trying to figure out different ways to get the other persons attention or find different games to play to keep them. When we where talking about this subject all I could think about is the movie I saw last weekend, He's Just Not That Into You. In the movie it shows how different couples handle there relationships, or lack there of. And everything we talked about in class like playing hard to get, being mysterious, not having a clear line where the relationship is, ect. all those subjects where in the movie. Every time when those acts would occur the subjects ended up not being together. But as we learned in class its o.k. to test your partner sometimes but in good ways, like "wanting" to babysit your best friend's kids. My eyes have been opened to the new relationship-starting life. So get of our booty and pick up the phone and stop playing hard to get!

Blog #6 Kste

Todays lecture was about the constructive and destructive games that people play when dealing with relationships. I thought that the statement about playing those silly games or taking the silly quizzes for couples is completely destructive. That just shows how much you don't trust your partner and how you don't believe it when he/she says I love you. The constuctive games could help you learn more about your partner. It helps you to see where they come from, what they believe in, and what they value in life. It is sometimes important to play constructive games because you can really find out a lot of valuable information that could help you see who your partner is. You wouldn't want to be dating someone for a long time and find out important things about them and end up disagreeing with them. Relationships can be hard and they aren't easy to explain. But you do need good communication so that you can find out who your partner really is.

Pre-marital inventories also help in furthering the relationship with your partner before you enter marriage. It is important to communicate with your partner so that you can see how your married life is exactly going to be. It is also important to see their side view too. You need to be able to recognize their emotions and thoughts so that the two can work together to have a stable, loving marriage.

Mate Selection

I'm choosing the lecture from Tuesday, March 3rd regarding Mate selection and more specifically the "Game". I am personally familiar with both the constructive and destructive game playing. I find it absolutely fascinating how easy it is to be caught up in the destructive aspect of it and not even really knowing it repeats numerous times in some relationships. It becomes the "normal" thing to do when some people do it so often. When individuals are being threatened over and over I have noticed people begin to either block it out or chose not to be w/ that person.
Acting like another person can also tear a relationship to threads because sooner or later that individual who is not "being themselves" is going to crash. You can only hold up an image so long before you can not take it anymore. You will not be happy and the other person in the relationship will not know you for who you really are. This lecture kept me attention so well because everything pointed out was so true.

Abusive Relationship- tspies-blog 6

For the past several years I have been actively involved with a group in Columbus, Ne helping individuals have are vicitims to dating violence, rape, sexual assault etc. I thought I would share so important facts that should be know and applied to life:

First off, "How to help a friend in an abusive relationship?": 1) Be a support by letting your friend know he/she is not alone 2) Even if you are upset that your friend is never spending time with you-ending your friendship will only further isolate him/her and allow the abuser even more control. 3)Let /himher know /heshe doesn't deserve to be treated badly-abuse is NEVER his/her fault 4) Don't blame him/her for staying, but let him/her know they can always talk to you. 5) Help her obtain places that work with abused individuals...Center for Survivors-402-564-2155.

Secondly, The most common form of control in emotional abuse is jealousy. It can take the form of possessiveness or suspiciousness. The abuser may require their partner to always be available to him, not associate with family and friends, and often accuses partner of things he/she did not do.

Thirdly, man are also abuse..often woman take of the abusive role of #2..we simply hear of more women cases.

Lastly, you can find happiness in a good dating relationship- positive characteristics are: 1) Honesty and Responsiblity 2) Open Communication 3) Intimacy 4) Physical affection 5) Fairness and Negotiation 6) Shared Responsibility 7) Respect 8) Trust and Support

NEVER sell yourself short..everyone deserves to feel happy and SAFE!

Making someone happy when your not

I thought our discussion on Tuesday was very interesting about single life.  The most interesting part about it to me is that one of the main purposes if being single is to find yourself and figure out who you are.  This is interesting to me because I never really thought about being single that way.  I have always seen being single as a kind of negative thing at least for me.  I have been in long term relationships since I started really dating.  Now looking back at those early relationships I realized that they didn't work so well because I was not happy with myself at all.  Currently I am in a three year relationship and we are very happy.  Thinking about the discussion in class I realized that since I know exactly who I am and I am happy with it, it is much easier to have a relationship with someone else.  Since I know myself it allows my boyfriend to know exactly who I am.  He knows everything about who I am and he is happy with it.  I do agree completely that you have to be happy with yourself and know yourself before you try to enter a relationship.

crus blog 5

I totally agree with the discussion abouts singles on tuesday. I recently broke up with my boyfriend for the exact reason. I felt as if I only knew who I was in the couple, but not me as my self. I came to this conclusion by watching my sister with her current relationship. My sister has always been in a relationship since she was 13 (now 21). with every relationship she becomes a different person. I also recently had a conversation with my aunt. Her and my uncle are currently in the process of getting divorsed. When discussing the reasons behind the divorse she told me she never knew who she was and woke up one day and realized she wasnt the person she wanted to be. Her and my uncle have been together since they were in highschool. I believe that even though it sucks being single I will greatly benifit in my later relationships because I will know who I am.

jspl Single Life

Our class discussion on choosing to be single was a real eye opener for me. I dated a guy over four years, during those years we experienced lots of changes. I was still in high school when we first started dating, so going to college was exciting for me. But I don't feel like I got as involved in school as I could have because he resisted me changing. Then when he went to school, he joined a fraternity and I then had issues accepting the new person he was becoming. We eventually broke up because I could no longer deal with the new guy the fraternity turned him into.

I took Sociology-Marriages and families, and after that class, I began questioning whether or not I really wanted to get married. So a lot of these same issues we talked in class I have been thinking about. For example, I see a lot of my friends getting married and have children. I never before questioned having children, but now I almost have the feeling that children would limit my life style. I love being an independent person and feel that having kids wouldn't allow me to travel and do things that I want to. I am also scared that if I do marry someone, what if they cheat on me. Sometimes I wonder if marriage is a good idea because the divorce rate is so high. I'm sure one day I will change my mind, but college courses like this one make me question "Is it really worth it?"

druz blog 5

I choose to blog about the conversation of the self we had in class on Tuesday. It really got me thinking about how I see myself and if I know myself as well as I thought. I'm in a relationship right now and I'm really happy in it, however you can't not think about how well you know yourself and how not knowing yourself can affect your relationship. I had to ask my boyfriend if he was happy, and explain what I learned in class about "the self." He thought I was over thinking things, and I agreed because I'm happy and so is he. This is something that would be really interesting to talk to my students about when I start teaching. I never learned this in family consumer science classes in high school and if I had then I would have started thinking more about myself sooner. It would help out a lot of students in high school to make better decisions for themselves, which would be a good thing at that age.

sschm Blog 5

I really enjoyed the topic of last class, single life. This single life is something I've just began to understand. I was that girl who went from boyfriend to boyfriend since I was 15. I was a victim of homeostasis in a relationship. I had this low self esteem and constant attachment to my boyfriends because I never had the time alone to figure things out for myself. This is now the first time in my life I have truly had an elapsed period of time without a boyfriend. Although it has been incredibly hard, I have learned so much about myself. I understand the reasons for the actions I've taken and know that this period of time has been the largest amount of growth I've ever had. So, I completely agree with knowing yourself before you enter into a relationship. It's easy to get intertwined and caught up into a relationship and completely loose yourself. I know that next relationship I do have will be more real and healthy, I'll be able to give more. I'm content with where I'm at and who I am from having this time alone.

Blog 5-tspies

When discussing the single life and certain ideas connected with it I went immediately to my faith and personal beliefs. As a Catholic, the choices that are most recognized are: religious life (nun, brother, or priest), married life ( which must include the intention for children), or the single life (where individuals must be celibate). I think so much in the Catholic church, individuals choose to be single because they do not desire to have children. When hearing of the dangers of multiple sex partners it may not be a bad idea to follow the Catholic rules. To be fair, however, you could marry an individual with a track record to the sky as well. I believe no matter what you choose you much approach every situation with care I believe in both married life or the single life you can find fulfillment: financial security, completeness, career opportunities, and diverse experiences. Never settle for the single life if you cannot find a partner instantly, in-turn, never settle for the married life because that is what everyone else is doing. We live in a world of diversty...do not be afraid to do what makes you happy.

Blog #5 Kste

I also loved the topic of single life that we discussed in class on Tuesday!! It was interesting to see how others viewed being single and discussing the stereotypes of being single. I do believe that being single isn't always by choice but it just means that you know what you want and you don't want to settle for less. I don't believe its because someone can't find someone that likes them in the same way. I believe that everything happens for a reason and there is someone for everybody. Some people really enjoy being single and they want to live that way for the rest of their lives. Others are focused and don't want a relationship to distract them. Its a lot to do with how you view your life and what you are looking for. Not everybody is the same and some things jus happen at different times. I know a couple that didn't really date in high school and then they got together and they were each others first relationship and they ended up getting married a year and half later. They have been married for almost 22 years. It just proves that when the time is right it will happen!

I loved our last class on the topic of being single, especially when we talked about the advantages and disadvantages of being single. When he showed that very disturbing chart on sexual partners “stuff” I just wanted to show it to all the VERY promiscuous men and women out there…… 4000 and something, SICK! (Not that those people would probably care) In today’s society things are our of control, kids are having sex at the age of 13…. and by the time people finally get to a stable relationship, they have had like 10-20 sexual partners. I find this seriously disturbing. Anyone else? But our discussion did make being single sound amazing, but I am one of those people who hasn’t really been single for a long period of time, and it always seemed terrible the thought of being single. Anyways, I do think that there is a difference in being single in Nebraska and being single in California, what is there to do for older people who are single in Nebraska, go to bars? I just wish we had more than one day to talk about all the issues surrounding the ideas and misconceptions of being single.

all my single ladies!

I throughly enjoyed todays class period. It was very interesting to hear what others thought about the single life. When I was a little kid I always thought that I would never be single ever, not even in middle school! Wow how nieve was I to think that. Now I view singleness not as a punishment, but as freedom! Freedom to do what you want, Freedom to figure out who you are. Now I'm not saying a person should be single for there whole life but I do think it does a person good to be single for a long period of there life. It's a good time to reflect on past relationships and how to work out new ones, but also a time to figure out yourself. YEA FREEDOM!

JSol - Blog 5

Being Single-

I found today's lecture to be quite interesting.  I think it is funny that we talk about the idea of being single in family science, because at first glance it would seem that being single would be completely omitted due to lack of a family.  I really enjoyed talking about the misconceptions and actualities of single life and how it affects a family and the person who actually is single.  I also thought it was intriguing when we discussed family pressure to be single or to be in a relationship.  For me, in high school, my parents thought I should be dating, and I didn't.  Now that I am in college, I am dating and have a serious girlfriend, and now my parents are telling me to slow down.  I'm glad we talked about this issue in class.  

JSol Blog 4

I think the portion of class about mid-life is really interesting.  My parents are falling into the mid-life phase and I can see some of the trends we talked about in class.  The most interesting concept I could relate to was the idea of boomarang children.  My sister had a child out of wedlock and had to return home to live with my parents.  They definitely didn't expect it, and even though I had only been to college for a month (at most!) before she had to move back in, they were already very used to the idea of having the house to themselves.  I don't know if it strained their relationship at all, but I have a feeling it had to.  My sister is still living at home, at 24. 

tspies-test blog

After viewing and recalling a majority of the information in my notes, it became apparent to me just how in- depth a family system is and how family diversity is open to almost anything. When answering the essay question today I believe everyone will have to dig deeper to use their knowledge and notes for application. Notes can be cut and dry but when if comes to evaluating a family's health many more factors must be taken into account. A person cannot simply say that their family lacks "positive communication" But must understand what factors prevent them from communicating effectively and how to go and make changes. Like it was said- behavior can change almost instantly but the style takes time. Also, the content of the the argument, whether over putting the toilet seat down or infidelity, may vary, but the progress (how the argument is carried out) reminds the same. Every family is unique in their struggles and strengths. Hopefully, after taking the test this afternoon we will begin to understand not just the information but the ways of positively applying what we have learned to your life or to help others.

Women portrayed in the media

I think the discussion we had about women in the media was very interesting.  Being a women this is a subject that affects me directly.  I think it is very sad and disappointing how women are portrayed in the media.  I also strongly believe that it does affect our youth today.  I think young girls get the impression that they need to look and act like the women in the media.  I also think young boys get the impression that women are expected to look and act like that.  I think that parents need to do a better job of explaining to their kids that it really is just television.  I think the media can only affect your kids as much as you let it.  I think parents can prevent the negative thinking that comes along with being involved with the media.  Overall I do think it is up to us as adults to let our youth know that there are other positive role models in socitey today.

Druz blog 4

I'm going to blog in response to the blog on child support. I agree that some women aren't thinking clearly when they let some guy they are dating get them pregnant and not make that man have to take any responsibility. However, we, as women, should note that there are men out there that want a part in their child's life, but the women refuses to let them. In some states there are laws that if a man wants anything to do with a child he has out of wedlock he has to file papers before the birth of his child and go through this legal process in order to have custody rights for his baby. If he doesn't fill these papers out than he can't have any say in his child's life. I don't think this is a law in Nebraska but it still is a dumb law. This isn't something that people know and it's laws like these that make men give up on wanting rights of his child. I know that this case might be rare but the law makes these cases so messy when it should be easy. When I have a child I want the father to be involved with the child no matter what mine and his relationship is like. You should know what kind of man he is before sleeping with him. If it happens he's someone you don't like, but is good with his baby, than it should be to bad for you, not your child.